page 1: is this thing on?

feb. 25, 2026

hello reader!! X3
so uhh welcome to my diary. well, its more of a blog, but i feel like calling it a diary lol. so uhh not much to talk about (at least not anything that i can say rn) but im hoping to write more of these!so its been a few weeks since i got the role of c.e, and my love for them hasn't died down. despite my activity in the server. ive kinda just been touching grass all this time lol. i honestly could never ask for a better character to voice! out of all of the shows i was going to work for, they are my favorite! ive never had a "favorite character" like... EVER! i kinda just saw all the characters in all show as just "kinda cool", but when i read Cursed Emoji's description, my brain just went "oh my god i HAVE to voice them!", if it wasnt for Sketchy (another VA for the show) and Pixel (the creator), i wouldnt be voicing them. i cant thank them enough for this opportunity.im rly nervous because it looks like this show might actually happen, and none of the shows i was going to be a VA for have EVER gotten this far. but im rly excited at the same time. im rly confident on this show, and i hope it goes far!

well, i should probably end this page here cuz this is getting long. thanks for reading! pls let me know if you like this diary idea thing. i might write more of these soon.ok bye. love u <3

-bryson

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page 2: i promise..

march 1, 2026

well. all of the roles i applied for have decided my fate.Cursed Emoji (as of writing this) is my ONLY role.I am now hanging on a thread in terms of ending the cycle, and it’s only a miracle that i even have the role of C.E.i am not involved in:
the inbetween
game ov3r
the drops of dreams
divine elemental demise
+more
(tho if they need a va replacement, im still down :3)pixel and/or sketchy, if your reading this, I can’t thank either of you enough more than ever. this has never felt like a blessing than right now as I am writing this page.i promise i will give Cursed Emoji all of my love.
i promise i will do the best i can for them.
i promise to keep improving as i work with everyone involved in the show.
i promise that i will show my support for this show with Cursed Emoji.
i promise i wont give up on myself.to everyone involed in the shows i mentioned, i cant wait to see u in it :']and ant... thank you for truly being there. i love you (but not in a gay way lol) <3

i promise..

-bryson

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page 3: objective paradise.

march 17, 2026

theres this show ive been keeping my little tall green eyes on for the past 3 years. i find it vry intresting and cool to try to help voice in. idk if they WILL open va auditions, but if they do, just know im going to try to voice in O.P next...tho it might be harder than getting the role of Cursed Emoji… which is saying a lot more than u think.
this guy seems VRY known. and im just someone who re-started their VA jouney this year. im not expecting to be able to voice someone in the show, but i might as well try...buckle up, bryson… this is going to be quite a ride…

im keeping my eye on it... :]

-bryson

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page 3: ear crisis.

march 21, 2026

theres been something that makes me worry about myself for the past month... Monitor's rabbit ears.
my ears are (obviously) a core part of monitor. monitor is who i use to represent myself online without having to show my face.i chose rabbit ears for 2 reasons.
1) i just think they look cool lol.
2) i kinda see myself as a "chaotic good" type of person. and for a long time now, it feels like the internet has affiliated rabbits with the same thing. so when i was creating monitor's asset, i wanted to feel like he is something i can truly call my own. so i gave him rabbit ears. :]but for the past month, ive been getting very anxious of what everyone will think of me or compare me to because of them...it turns out, that an objectsona having ears (specifically, cat ears) is... shockingly very common.
my reason for why im worried isnt because i HAVE the rabbit ears, but because what of what i could be compared to.it feels like there's this habit to OCs with ears that they act... uhh... strange.
im NOT AL ALL saying all of them follow this, but from looking deep, if feels like its a big chunk of it.
NOT ALL! SOME!me getting compared to MOST of the OCs or sonas that have this habbit is the last thing i want.
it worries me for what people will think about my ears..."so why do you still keep the rabbit ears?"
well, i try rly hard to not make the decision to remove them. they are a core part of Monitor. the current direction of how rabbits are used online fit for me (chaotic good). and overall, despite all the thoughts i have of having ears in the first place, i still like having them on Monitor because it makes me feel like hes truly my own.the rabbit ears builds a lot of stress of what everyone will compare me to, but i try to ignore it.
tho, its rly hard for me to do so.

sorry that this page is so long. this is something i HAD to get off my chest. this has been in my head every night for the past month.thx for reading about my little "ear crisis". love u =[:>]

-bryson

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can i ask you something?
what do u see when you look at me?

page 4: the question.

april 16, 2026

for a good while now, ive been using this strange and concerning question...
"what do u see when u look at me?"i never explained what i mean when i use this question, so I want to write about the question in my diary.basically, it kinda rolls back to the reason for the ear crisis i have every now and then (P3).when it happens, i often ask myself... how do people see me from their perspective? its hard for me to know if im being a nice person. am i annoying? am i trying too hard? its hard for me to know what people truly think of me.its also a question that works for people that DONT know me. coming from someone who literally has rabbit ears on their sona... well... for this, just read page 3 (ear crisis).the question is a statement. a statement that i want to be a nice person thats hoping they are doing a good job.im hoping this makes the question more sense.if you want to answer the question, i may or may not have added a "secret" forum in the menu... well.. ig it rly isnt secret. its right there lol.sry that i havent made a new page here for so long. ive just been enjoying life and getting ready for the tour! im so excited for it this year! ill have more to say about my trip there soon! but for now, thats all i wanted to say! thx for reading!i love u. u know that. right?

-bryson

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page 5: dark weekend

april 16, 2026

this last weekend has been... very mentally concerning for me. for the last 2 nights, i have fully lost it. not only did i go through another ear crisis (which it was a very strong one this time), but i also felt a feeling of distance with me and the PnB crew. i honestly have no idea what the bitch happened those nights. i completely lost it. in fact, i even cried for the first time in a long time...im doing better now. im planning to try to get to know the other VAs more soon, starting with sketchy.as for the e.c. part of this breakdown, im still not sure. but i feel a bit better now. im probably still going to have this problem, but im still planning to keep getting over it every time it happens. i know the ear crisis is a very odd thing to be concerned (let alone cry) about....can i be honest about something?
i cant love myself.
im always someone who tries to be there for whoever they can. however, i think this whole time, ive never rly thought about myself. i dont have any self-love in me. its not enough to make me "turn off my own light". heck, i can never see a time where i ever want to do that. but that doesnt mean that im happy about myself. i dont know why thats so hard for me, but i need to figure that out soon...im just not sure if im loved back. not even from myself...

i was able to keep an archive of the vent i left on my yt and tiktok. im going to leave it here as im not sure if ill have this situation again:

1)
i hate the fact that there's some weird stuff out there on the internet that they use rabbits to affiliate with. along with other sonas with ears. (if u know, u know.) it makes me terrified that people will (probably) associate me with stuff like that because my sona has rabbit ears on it. it feels like it could even go on with the people i work with. im just hoping people don't think im like that when they see my sona. Theres been multiple times where i considered removing my sona’s ears, but i keep them because I myself like them. tho, i dont know what everyone else ACTUALLY think. i made the fourm in my website’s menu to hopefully figure that out, but so far, it hasn’t been taken seriously. so i guess i will never know…

2)
its honestly so hard to tell wether or not people like me. even to the people i work with. I’ve been involved in the PnB community this whole year, and even with that much time, I’ve never gotten to know if people there like me. and whenever i try to bring something like this up, i don’t think people take me seriously whenever i try to talk about it. the only time where i felt like i was taken seriously was last week when i was in a chat with ant. and so far, he’s the only one I’ve been able to have a friendship with. and i have been able to talk to PaperBall and Mikey (kinda). as for the rest, i feel like a total stranger. i love the people i work with. and i love the show.

-bryson

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page 6: tension.

june 20, 2026

wow. a full month with no new diary page. thats great! i think...anw.. something has started to enter my mind.. the thought that im annoying. idk why it suddenly just.. started. but i wana talk about it while the thought is still fresh for the sake of getting it out of my head...when i joined the crew, i didnt want to be seen as just another co-worker. i want to be someone who cares for who they are with. someone who can be there for them. but rn, something is telling me im not doing a good job at that. or maybe i am. i honestly dont know anymore..for the past month or two, ive been doing checkups on one of the vas (i wont be naming them here <3) because im aware from what ive seen from them that they are emotionally not okay. so i started trying check up on them privately to try to help comfort them. but i feel like im only just being annoying to them. which i can see cus they dont like being dmed. but i still do it because i truly care about their mental health. i care for everyones.so far, ive been able to form a friendship with 3(or maybe 4?) members, so maybe im am doing a good job at being a friend. i dont know. my mind is being very confusing rn.i dont wana be just 'another co-worker' because i truly care for the people im with on this show. i dont want anyone to kill themselves. i dont want any of them to be depressed.i want to help.. i wish i can figure out if i even am helping...am i a nice person? am i annoying? am i nothing but some fucking dumbass?...i need to stop making these pages. these are upsetting to me to write these. especially rn. i feel like if someone from the cast reads this (which im lucky that i dont think anyone reads these)
...shit i dont know how to word this... even in typing fourm.fuck im starting to forget what i was going to type in this page now. my brain is becoming scrambled.im just going to upload this page and go to bed. its like 3am rn. maybe thats why im having these thoughts. because its late? and cus its dark perhaps? idk anymore. this is what i get for publicly typing whats going on in my mind rn..ill make sure to make a page before the tour happens.all i can do rn tho, is hope i am a good person.

-bryson

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page 7: lowered.

june 20, 2026